The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
