Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
