I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
