I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
