if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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