3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
