Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
