idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
