I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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