i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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