MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
