i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
