sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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