You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
foreskin is a definite game changer
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
