Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you win again, gameday.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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