Will you blow on my dice?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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