You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
