dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
