I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
