I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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