Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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