I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
