after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize