Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
