Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
