i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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