Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
