Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
