Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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