My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
