were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
