My nipple is on Facebook.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
