I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
