haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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