first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
