And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
