Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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