You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize