Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
