just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
