And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
