so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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