..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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