kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
