His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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