I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
