Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
