whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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