There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
