thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
