I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
