I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
