I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
