Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
