If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
