sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
