Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
