You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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