I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
my poor anus
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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