There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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