In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
