If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We have started to decorate penises.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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