who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize