This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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