I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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