Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
where does the pee come out of this thing
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
