The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
