I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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