i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
