i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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