how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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