$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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