Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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