Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
