I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
