you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
