captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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