god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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